What is Friendship? What is a Relationship?
Friendship and relationships are fundamental aspects of human existence that shape our lives and contribute to our emotional wellbeing. At their core, friendship is defined as a close, voluntary relationship characterized by mutual affection, trust, and support among individuals. A relationship, on the other hand, can encompass a broader connection, defined by the way in which two or more entities—be they people, concepts, or objects—interact and relate to one another.
However, understanding the delicate balance between these two concepts goes beyond mere definitions. In my experience, it’s clear that honesty, accountability, and the ability to navigate toxic behavior are paramount to maintaining any healthy connection.
The Foundation of True Friendship
The essence of friendship lies in mutual respect and understanding. Genuine friendships thrive on trust, and any breakdown in that trust can lead to toxic behaviors that can ultimately destroy the relationship. I’ve encountered toxic friends and family members throughout my life, particularly influenced by my challenging childhood. Growing up in an environment with unhealthy dynamics made me acutely aware of the consequences that arise from relationships fraught with deceit, manipulation, and playing the victim.
The reality is, one often feels obligated to maintain ties out of familial love or long-standing friendships, even in the face of toxic behavior. Society tends to cultivate a narrative that encourages sticking with those we’re related to or have known for a long time. However, this leads many to endure relationships that sap their happiness instead of nourish it.
Accountability and Honesty: The Pillars of Healthy Connections
For any relationship to flourish, accountability and honesty are imperative. I remember a painful family situation with my in-laws that highlighted this truth. My husband and his father had a tumultuous relationship exacerbated by pre-existing issues like short tempers and narcissistic tendencies. One unfortunate incident escalated into a series of misunderstandings, showcasing how toxic behavior can distort reality.
My husband expressed his frustrations in a venting post directed at my father-in-law and my mother-in-law took it personally, removing an objective lens from the situation. This moment of miscommunication led to deep rifts, with my in-laws choosing to skip our daughter’s birthday celebration. Such experiences illuminated how fragile relationships can become when honesty and accountability are absent.
In navigating these troubled waters, my husband and I made the difficult decision to prioritize our family’s peace over toxic interactions. We chose to skip Christmas celebrations to avoid further conflict, illustrating that sometimes, self-care means making tough choices about who we allow into our lives.
Breaking Free from Toxic Patterns
One of the greatest lessons I've learned over the years is that breaking free from toxic patterns is essential for mental health and familial harmony. A toxic individual often thrives on manipulation, and I experienced this firsthand when an unexpected attempt at disownment from my in-laws presented itself as the final straw.
The aftermath of these decisions can be painful, and it often involves guilt and questioning one's choices. I’ve had run-ins with my mother-in-law since then, where guilt-tripping has been her primary tactic. Yet, I've learned to recognize these behaviors for what they are: tactics wielded by those who refuse to take accountability for their actions. As I reflect on my journey, I realize that choosing peace over ongoing toxicity has been one of the most empowering decisions I've ever made.
Self-Prioritization is Key
Choosing oneself in the context of relationships doesn't mean abandoning those we care about; it signifies recognizing that our wellbeing should be a priority. As I now know, if we do not put ourselves first, we render ourselves unable to offer genuine support and love to others.
“Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get.” – George Bernard Shaw
This quote resonates deeply with me, as it encapsulates the importance of making conscious choices in our relationships. True friendship and healthy relationships demand conscious effort—efforts characterized by honesty and accountability.
In conclusion, the world often confuses proximity with friendship, assuming that being related or having known someone for a long time mandates maintaining a relationship, regardless of its toxicity. However, we must learn to prioritize our own peace and mental health first. By cultivating relationships built on mutual affection and support, and actively choosing to step away from toxicity, we can forge deeper connections that enrich our lives rather than drain them. At the end of the day, I have learned that the only obligation I hold is to be unapologetically me, and that, above all, is true friendship and relationship defined.
